Where's Sheff?

Where is Nic Sheff now?

Nic had relapsed halfway through writing Tweak, but eventually recollected himself and got clean again. He travelled around the country on a bus, embarking on new adventures all while writing. Currently, he is working as a model at a local art school in Savannah, Georgia. Nic’s most current novels are Peeping Henry, which he describes as a “pulp, drug addict redemption tale”, and Feral Boy, Feral Girl, which involves homeless children working to catch a serial killer. He occasionally tours to meet his fans of Tweak and speaks in order to inspire teenagers to avoid drug and alcohol abuse. Still battling with his addictions every single day, Nic Sheff has truly learned to face his demons and make something of his life.

Nic's Relationships

The following prompt is from the “Discussion Questions” section at the end of Tweak. For more questions, check out the last few pages of the book.

Nic mentions many times that he feels worthless, and that his addiction has caused him to irreparably damage his relationships with others. Do the actions of his friends and family back this up? Do they treat him as though he has no worth? Does anyone give him unconditional love?

It could be said that Nic’s father treats him as if he is worthless. However, his father has dealt with his many relapses and can’t find the strength to act as his cheerleader anymore. His mother, although angry at him for randomly disappearing and relapsing, forever loves and believes in him. Although he proves her wrong by turning to drugs yet again, she completely trusts him with her house and her car. She thinks each time he attempts to rid his life of drugs that he can do it. Unfortunately, he often proves her wrong. Nic’s many friends from the 12-step program were confused when he left to relapse, but almost instantly accepted him once again. His addiction to drugs caused quite a disturbance with his many relationships.

Freedom?

Analyzing Tweak from cover to cover has allowed me to peer into the thoughts of a drug addict. At first, doing drugs and living recklessly is seen as a form of freedom to Nic and his companions. Slowly Nic begins to see how dark and unhealthy his life has become. Upon realizing this, Nic and a friend have the following conversation:

I tell him I’m thinking about getting clean again. He tells me it’s a waste of time.

“What is life for, if not for living?”

“Is this living?”

“We’re so free.”

“Sort of.”


He came to the conclusion that doing drugs is the opposite of freedom. Using drugs forces you to lie, steal, and prostitute yourself for another hit. It finally got to him that the only way to actually be free is to be drug free. This deep and disturbing autobiography startled me, but also gave me to hope that those with unbelievable issues can work to find a way out.

Thoughts On Addiction

It occurred to me as I was finishing Tweak, that we all come across some sort of addiction during our lifetime. In some way or another, everyone deals with addictive behavior at some point. Many individuals believe those who use drugs are reckless and selfish individuals who should simply stop using said substances. I, however, believe addiction is a disease which is hard to be cured of. No matter how long you have been clean, you have forever earned yourself the label ‘addict’. It’s a sad and horrible thing, but we all face addictions. Human habit is a difficult thing to overcome.

Love/Hate

My relationship to Nic Sheff as a character within Tweak is one of both love and hate. I have complete respect for him, as it must have been an extremely difficult and grueling task to document your life’s mistakes for the world to read. He was forced to relive certain events I would never want to so much as experience, let alone remember over and over again. Some of the things I read within this book admittedly surprised me. He was so boldly honest throughout the course of this literary piece; I truly appreciate the effort he put in to compile his life’s journey, no matter how painful it was.

However, I also grew frustrated with Nic quite often. Some of the mistakes he’s made, such as breaking into his parents’ house or using dirty needles to inject methamphetamines, seemed extremely obvious that they weren’t intelligent decisions. Many times I wanted to just close the book, for it was hard to take some of the ridiculous choices Sheff made. Although I hoped he would remain sober each time, there was always an ounce of doubt that he would truly accomplish it. He’s supposedly currently sober once again, but it’s uncertain how long this will truly last. I hope this journey isn’t as difficult as his previous struggles have been for him and his family.

Parent's Pain

Being a drug addict, as you will learn in Tweak, is not a one-sided dilemma. Nic Sheff’s parents felt the affects of his addictions. He stole from them, lied to them, and manipulated them. His father, David Sheff, instilled constant faith in him during his younger years, but as time lead on he found it difficult to truly believe in Nic. Time and time again he would let his father down, returning to his old drug-abusing ways. In order to deal with the pain he went through during Nic’s many hardships, David also wrote a book. His book, Beautiful Boy, reads on the inside cover: “When one of us tells the truth, he makes it easier for all of us to open our hearts to our pain and that of others.”


David Sheff's book, Beautiful Boy

Exposed

The same interview as shown in my previous post revealed that Nic Sheff, the author of Tweak, did a great deal to protect his family and friends from overexposure. He changed many names to conceal the identities of those he loved. His greatest concern was that he revealed too many details about his lover referred to as “Zelda”. Nic realized after the book was published that he may have given too much information about “Zelda” and her past relationships as well as substance abuse. It is believed that the real “Zelda” is an actress known as Lala Sloatman. However neither parties will confirm this statement. The identities within Tweak are simply a mystery.


Lala Sloatman ("Zelda")

Naivety

The following question if from a Teenreads.com interview with Nic Sheff regarding Tweak.

Question: This book deals with some very traumatic events in your past. What was the hardest thing to write about?

Nic Sheff: When I was reading over the manuscript, more than anything else I was just embarrassed about how naive and stupid I'd been. I was so young and confused, but I always thought I knew exactly what I was doing. Honestly, that was harder to write about than any of the trauma stuff.

At the moment in time, young Nic Sheff truly believed his decisions were the correct ones. Stealing from his family, prostituting himself, returning to previously disastrous relationships; he saw these as ways to improve his current situation. However, they overall brought more pain and hard times to his life. As a youthful person he never thought through the consequences of his often bold actions. In the long run they often contributed to the destruction of his life. Others can gain from Sheff’s mistakes to be young, but think wisely.

Relapse After Relapse

While reading Tweak, my brother asked me, “How is this unlike any other drug addict’s story? He’s in rehab. He’s out of rehab. All those stories are the same.” He was so far from correct I could hardly muster an answer at the time. But now I can explain exactly why this autobiography is different. Nic’s simple prose take a seemingly tired storyline and transform it into a fresh journey encompassed by the desire to change. Aware of his series of relapses, you can’t help but to believe each time he attempts to stay clean, it will be the last. He so deeply convinces you he is ready for change and those around him can finally trust him. However, each time he bluntly turns his life back around in an extremely negative way. Tweak is different because it is real. The emotion is real, the events are real, and the way Nic doesn’t hold a single thing back is real.

Co-Dependency

Age eleven was the first time Nic Sheff got “tweaked”. He tried alcohol for the first time and found an immediate attraction to it. The warm, enticing feeling of being thrown into a spiral of intoxication excited him. Early on he grew hungry for it; he needed it to feel sane. Methamphetamines seduced him in the same way. Nic became severely dependent on these substances to get through each day. This sort of co-dependency also translated into his social relationships, especially with his short-term girlfriend Lauren. They fully and completely invested themselves in each other. Nic felt the same sort of insanity without drugs as he did without Lauren. Was Nic’s substance abuse just a way to vent his dependency issues? Were all of his relationships this intense and unhealthy? Dig deeply into the plot of Tweak and discover all of these truths.